Although you have in the past been "bent" on destruction, I know that you truly long to do My will. You are learning to repent sooner and give up shame. Remember that guilt, shame and condemnation are strategies of the enemy to keep you in bondage.
It is okay to vent with Me. As you do, I will bring My Word to your mind, where you will have a choice to submit or rebel. I will always provide you the grace to face every temptation. As you yield, your spirit-man will become stronger.
Your flesh will always scream for attention, so you must choose to die to self daily. It will not have the power over you that it once had, as you learn to yield immediately and completely. The enemy's voice will come against you stronger and stronger to try to get you to give in to your flesh. It has worked before, but you must draw the Bloodline of Jesus in the sand and say "No More".
Psalm 142:1-4 New Life Version (NLV)
1 I cry with a loud voice to the Lord. I pray with my voice to the Lord. 2 I talk and complain to Him. I tell Him all my trouble. 3 When my spirit had grown weak within me, You knew my path. They have hidden a trap for me in the way where I walk. 4 Look to the right and see. For there is no one who thinks about me. There is no place for me to go to be safe. No one cares about my soul.
Revelation 3:18-19 Amplified Bible (AMP)
18 I counsel you to buy from Me gold that has been heated red hot and refined by fire so that you may become truly rich; and white clothes [representing righteousness] to clothe yourself so that the shame of your nakedness will not be seen; and healing salve to put on your eyes so that you may see. 19 Those whom I [dearly and tenderly] love, I rebuke and discipline [showing them their faults and instructing them]; so be enthusiastic and repent [change your inner self—your old way of thinking, your sinful behavior—seek God’s will].